I’ve been married for four years. My wife has 6 sisters. One of them did what she could to make our relationship harder. I always kept a distance in order to avoid problems.
When she was single, she had a perfect body, and I felt nothing for her. As incredible as it may seem, after she got married, she had a son and gained weight, and then I became perversion for her.
If I’m in the same place as her, I have to sit down because I’ll have an erection for the whole time. All I have to do is look in her direction. I masturbate everyday, thinking about her.
As you can see, this has complicated my marriage. It just hasn’t made it even more complicated because my wife is pregnant, and therefore lost some of her sexual appetite.
I love my wife, but I have the feeling that if I do not have sex with my sister-in-law, I won’t be happy in sex anymore. What should I do?
Should I talk to her (she’s married)? Should I keep a distance? Should I seek professional help?
I can’t handle this situation anymore (I’m 30 and so is she).
26/12/2002
Answer
How are you?
You say: ' I love my wife, but I have the feeling that if I do not have sex with my sister-in-law, I won’t be happy in sex anymore.'
Perhaps you should have stopped the phrase at the word ‘happy’. You don’t seem happy.
From what I could tell, your sister-in-law has nothing to do with what’s going on with you. You have not given any indication of a green light from her. You have also not informed me if your wife is pregnant of her first child, which is very important.
Maybe you’re being victimized by a terrible fear of abandonment, or maybe reliving the birth of some brother or sister who you were afraid of for possibly taking your place. Working on hypothesis, I think that you might (unconsciously) be trying to get back at your wife, for she will deliver someone who will awaken, and maybe absorb her attention.
Is it possible that you’re considering this pregnancy as treason, making you want to betray her as well? Two incestuous treasons...
Another hypothesis is that you have repressed the attraction you feel for your sister-in-law for the relationship with your fiancée; and now you’re feeling for it, ignoring all changes that occurred from that time until now – which is proved by the fact that you didn’t allow yourself to be affected by the changes your sister-in-law suffered. Time doesn’t exist in the unconsciousness, and it is always possible to deny reality...
It wouldn’t make sense for you to approach your wife’s sister if she never gave you any signs. You’re forgetting that what goes on inside of you is only relevant to yourself.
I recommend that you seek a psychoanalyst in order to better understand what is going on, and free yourself from this sort of nightmare.
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