I’ve had a girlfriend for more than four years, with whom I have a very good relationship of companionship, friendship, responsibility, and an excellent sexual relationship. I have recently met another woman for whom I have fallen in love.
I felt for her the same way I had felt with my girlfriend in the beginning of our relationship. On the other hand, I still love my girlfriend and cannot stop thinking about my new passion.
I currently have many dilemmas: is it possible to love two people at the same time? If not, what is this strong feeling that I have for both of them, which makes me always be with both of them?
Am I mistaking responsibility for love? Do I tell my girlfriend what I’m feeling for the other woman? Do I end the relationship with my girlfriend?
I need help.
Thanks
26/12/2002
Answer
Hi!
The relationship of two people can become saturated in some periods of time. That doesn’t mean the love one feels for another has ended, like you’ve been able to see.
Passion is an uncontrollable emotion which can emerge the same way as in your work (an irresistible desire of taking a vacation). The person feels tired, unmotivated to produce what it has produced before, tied up, willing to stand up and change. Then it’s recommendable that the person take vacations.
That doesn’t mean you don’t like your job anymore (in some cases – which I will not discuss at the moment – it can mean a real desire for change).
The person goes away, and you look back at the day you left behind, of your colleagues at work, of work itself. An old relationship – if not managed well – can lead to boredom:
acquaintanceship, stability, lack of fear of losing; the impression that the partner has been conquered forever.
The thought of “forever” can lead to a feeling of impoverishment, lack of freedom, completely opposed to human nature, and very harmful to love relationships.
Humans have a tendency to rebel – many times oppressed –, which can emerge when one least expects. An example of this overflow is passion, even though it usually does not last very long, especially if there are no obstacles to be transposed. Once quenched, it disappears or it becomes what you say you feel for your current girlfriend.
You asked what you should do. Pay attention on the decision you will make, for something exists in all of us (which Freud called "death pulsion"). This can also be understood as a destructive moment in which we can deprive ourselves of what we have best, as if were to search for “death” in order to be reborn, always considering as good and perfect, which will free us from any feeling of emptiness and unsatisfaction – which follow human beings throughout their existence.
This unsatisfaction moves you by creating, inventing, and transforming the universe to which you have access. Try to reflect upon this!
Best regards,
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